We received news that my husband's cousin passed away after battling cancer last Friday. We attended his funeral services today. Drew attended with us. While Drew did not know this cousin, it was his first experience at a funeral.
I think I need to go back to the very first time Drew had an experience with death. I do believe in life after death. We have quite a menagerie of animals on our little 3 acre farm. At one time, we had a rescue standard bred horse, a mini donkey, a mini mule, assorted chickens, fish, 3 small dogs, a cat and three goats. I bought a miniature goat a number of years ago to keep the rescue horse company. This little goat gave birth to 2 miniature male goats. Sadly, the mother goat died when Drew was 2 years old. We buried the goat and the next time Drew was visiting, I explained to him that she had died. I did my best to explain that her body just wore out and her body just stopped working. Then I tried my best to explain that this pet goat was in a happy place now...I got a blank look from Drew. So I continued with "I'll bet Mama goat is jumping and running around waaaay up there in heaven" while pointing to the clouds. Dead silence. More silence. I thought that this monologue had ended for now and I wasn't very sure about how successful I was at explaining the wonders of death and the continuance of life after death. A full 10 minutes of silence passed. Then, Drew leaned forward and in a very quiet voice said "I know what happened to the goat...the horse ate her." I learned that Drew will grasp at logic when he cannot understand such an abstract idea. In his view, the horse was the largest creature in the barn, so his logic would dictate that the horse ate the goat...voila! No more goat. I realize now that I should not have been so hasty at burying the goat in an effort to keep him from seeing it dead.
As time went by, we would see a dead baby bird on a walk around the farm or a deer that had been hit by a car on the side of the road. More time has gone by and we have lost one little dog to congestive heart failure, the horse and another little dog to old age. I had the little dog that died of heart failure buried before Drew could see the body. Again, I was worried that he would not be ready for this. Every so often, he would look at me and very calmly say "Mai, I think you should bring Chico home now". Big mistake. I didn't allow Drew to have some kind of closure.
After this, we explained how the horse's body was just worn out and the doctor would be coming to give him some medicine that would stop his heart. We gave him the choice to view the horse's body before burial. He declined to view the horse but bought some plastic flowers and wanted to put it on the "grave".
When we had to euthanize our little dog, Napoleon, he did express that he wanted to see his body. He petted the little dog's body for a few minutes and then placed the lid for the box that the body was in back in place and walked back into the house.
I learned that he did not get traumatized for life when seeing death and it was easier for him to accept that this pet had died and would not be coming back if I allowed closure in his own terms.
When we went to the funeral today, he sat on his great grandfather's lap next to his great grandmother who suffers from Alzheimer's disease. When the pastor asked us to bow our heads in prayer, I saw Drew fold his hands and bow his head through the corner of my eye. "Good boy!" I thought to myself. Then he reached his hand out and put it on top of great grandma's hand. He held her hand through the prayer with head bowed and eyes closed. Great grandma had the most tranquil smile while they prayed.
I now understand that he also knows how to comfort others too.
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